Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
