I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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