Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
