I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
