just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
