I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
