Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
