then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just invented taco cereal.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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