know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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