Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
