last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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