Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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