Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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