I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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