don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
