Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
