dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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