I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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