I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
