honey bunches of taint.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
