I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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