I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
