Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
