lets start a swedish sibling band together
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
