We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
