Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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