My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
