Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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