At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I intend to get homeless drunk
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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