Porn is love you can see.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
