Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
