A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
