hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
