Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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