Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
