There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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