my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
