he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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