I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
