I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
