You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
