I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
