drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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