She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Green mimosas i think yes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
