She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
