i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
