some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
