Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
