just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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