Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
