dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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