Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
