I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Congratulations! We have a period
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