I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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