Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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