I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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